Little Debbie--The Secret Behind The Smile

This resolution for healthier living has had me thinking about food and my relationship with it and how there are certain foods with which I have issues, particularly sweets. I can't have a paltry bite or two and be satisfied, and once I start there is no stopping. I know I am not alone in my compulsive eating, and I am quite sure that Little Debbie knows it. Oh, you may think she is wholesome and innocent, what with her adorable dimples and sassy little hat as she smiles benignly (ha!) down at you from the shelf, but I know better. She is selling the confectionary equivalent of crystal meth and don't think she doesn't know. Yes, I am aware that the Fudge Rounds are packaged individually because they are intended to be a single serving snack, but how can I stop at one? Mere plastic will not keep me from experiencing its fudgy deliciousness. A few years back a friend and I consumed an entire box of Star Crunch between the 2 of us within an hour. I have vague recollections of a box of Fudge Rounds being involved as well, but it is entirely possible that could have been a chemical and sugar induced hallucination after polishing off the Star Crunch. Good times. And don't even get me started on Suzy Q's. I'm not sure if they are produced by Little Debbie or Hostess, but either way I develop an eye twitch just thinking about them. Oh cursed processed snack cakes of inconceivably long shelf life!

So far I have managed to keep them out of the house, but I hope my loved ones will recognize the signs if I fall off the wagon. Hopefully they will stage an intervention before I end up living in a van down by the river living off of Zebra Cakes and Nutty Bars donated by charitable passersby.

Or maybe I just won't buy any. Yeah, I think might be easier. And less dramatic.